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It's Time for Tickles 'n Truth
A Fun, Faith 'n Funny Bone Feature
"Funny Bone Faith" sees humor--AND faith--in the tough times and with God's help, smiles through tears as it triumphs in a Lord who brings joy and laughter to our lives--daily! Enjoy the fun and inspiration--and strengthen YOUR "Funny Bone Faith" right here--today!
NOTE: Humor pieces are meant to be funny. No offense is meant with regard to age, sex, race, religion, occupation or any other topic. It is simply a way of laughing at ourselves, so please just laugh along with us!
Today's Tickles!
"Life Begins at 80"
I have good news for you. The first 80 years are the hardest. The second 80 are a succession of birthday parties.Once you reach 80, everyone wants to carry your baggage and help you up the steps. If you forget your name or somebody else's name, or an appointment, or your own telephone number, or promise to be 3 places at the same time, or can't remember how many grandchildren you have, you need only explain that you are 80.
Being 80 is a whole lot better than being 70. At 70 people are mad at you for everything. At 80 you have the perfect excuse no matter what you do. If you act foolishly, it's your second childhood. Everybody is looking for symptoms of softening of the brain.
Being 70 is no fun at all. At that age they expect you to retire to a house in Florida and complain about your arthritis, (they used to call it lumbago), and you ask everybody to stop mumbling because you can't understand them. (Actually your hearing is about 50 percent gone.)
If you survive until you are 80, everybody is surprised that you are still alive. They treat you with respect just for having lived so long. Actually they seem surprised that you can walk and talk sensibly.
So please, folks, try to make it to 80. It's the best time of life. People forgive you for anything. If you ask me, life begins at 80.
--Found circulating the Internet via email.
"When the Barnyard Comes to Church!" by Bishop James 'I Feel God' Brown, Victory Church, Ft. Worth, TX
Now before anyone gets upset, I need to let you know that I am not calling God's people chickens or pigs. But there is a lot of similarity between some chickens, some pigs, and some Christians. I will even submit to you that the actions around the barn yard could be a reflection of the church life of some Christians. Lets take a look at the lessons we learn from barn yard church.1. Walking through the barn or the barn yard does not make you a chicken, a cow, or a pig. Many times we assume that everyone who comes through the church, joins or gets baptized is a Christian. Nothing could further from the truth. Every farmer knows that he must identify those animals within his barn yard. This is a fundamental truth of barnyard doctrine.
2. The farmer feeds "his own" and has no intention of providing for any animal which is not his. Feral animals, left in the barnyard, will eat the food away from those cows, chickens, and pigs who are rightfully there. When animals who are out of place eat all the food, the barnyard animals will not grow as they should. This is true in church also. When pastors and leaders are devoted to the goats and not the sheep, the sheep will go lacking.
3. There are barn yard folks who only want to be spectators. Around the barn yard there are dogs, cats, and birds who belong there, but who will never participate in production on the farm. They will stand by and look, but won't give or do anything toward the objectives of the farm. This happens a lot in churches. Some people come for the singing, and some won't come at all. They should be there, but they are not. They too are spectators.
4. Some of the farm residents never do more than participate. Some chickens will give the eggs for breakfast; some cows will give the milk for butter. The same is true at church. Some members will give a little money, some will attend on Sundays', and some will even join an auxiliary, but most will not go any farther. They will never help make up what is truly needed. Being a participant in church does not mean that you are committed. This truth, leads us to the next item in our rural koinonia, the issue of commitment.
5. In order to eat breakfast, someone must meet their destiny with commitment. Pigs and the rest of the cows know about commitment. For the farmer to enjoy his breakfast, these pigs and cows must give all they have. You see, there will not be bacon or sausage or steak for the farmer until a pig or cow gives his or her life. The same is true in Church. In order for God's plans to be manifested in any church, there must be someone willing to live sacrificially in order to satisfy the needs of the master.
6. Healthy farm animals grow and reproduce. Every farmer knows that if he gives his livestock enough food and protects them from the weather, the natural outcome should be growth and reproduction. Happy farm animals will produce more healthy farm animals. Churches work the same way. Healthy Christians should grow spiritually and numerically.
7. Sick and hurt barn yard animals will infect others and reduce the production of the farm. Farmers limit the exposure that sick animals have to the rest of the livestock. Left alone, wounded animals will attack and inflict pain on others as a result to their pain. A truism in churches would be that "hurt folks hurt folks". In other words, people who are hurting may hurt others around them as a result of their pain. The farmer's two step solution to this also works at church. First, limit the exposure to others who may be vulnerable, then apply healing liniment to the injured creature.Ê
8. You cannot ride on a chicken and you cannot plow with a duck. The old saying goes "You can't make a silk purse from a sows ear". This truth is often lost in the church. Churches often place members in jobs they should not have for reasons that are unimportant. Churches must learn to place every member in the right job for that member.
9. Finally, Every farm survives on God's providence. The one thing that every farmer knows is that success or failure does not rest totally in his or her hands. God working with him, is one commodity that every farm must have. This is never more evident than in the life of a Church. Scripture teaches that "unless the Lord builds the house, those who labor - labor in vain". A commitment to God's ways and prayer is required by the farmer and the Christian.
Any type of success, be it spiritual, personal, or professional, will require both involvement and commitment. However, we can never assume that our projects and planning will be enough. On the farm or in the church, it always takes God!
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C Copyright 2002 All Rights Reserved James M. Brown
email address: mailto:bishop@victoryreport.comBishop James 'I Feel God' Brown is the founder and Sr. Pastor of Victory International Church in Fort Worth, TX. He is in demand locally and nationally as a revivalist, conference speaker, and Seminar Leader. To obtain a list of other articles send an email to: article_digest@1000churches.org or visit 1000Churches.org: Kingdom Ministry on the Net.
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