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A Fun, Faith 'n Funny Bone Feature we will rejoice and be glad... (Psalm 118:24)."
"Funny Bone Faith" sees humor--AND faith--in the tough times and with God's help, smiles through tears as it triumphs in a Lord who brings joy and laughter to our lives--daily! Enjoy the fun and inspiration--and strengthen YOUR "Funny Bone Faith" right here--today!PLEASE NOTE: Humor pieces are meant to be funny - no offense is meant with regard to age, sex, race, religion, occupation or any other topic. It is simply a way of laughing at ourselves; please do not take the humor personal or offensive.
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Today's Tickles!
"A merry heart doeth good like a medicine... (Proverbs 17:22)."
Cunning Canine - Who Said Dogs Are Dumb! A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dog along for company. One day the dog starts chasing butterflies and before long he discovers that he is lost. So, wandering about he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.
The dog thinks, "Boy, I'm in deep doo doo now!" Then he notices some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.
Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dog exclaims loudly, "That was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew", says the leopard. "That was close. That dog nearly had me."
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the dog sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans, and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."
The dog sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" Instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers pretending he hasn't seen them yet. Just when they get close enough to hear, the dog says, "Where's that monkey? I just can never trust him. I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard, and he's still not back!!"
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Thanks for the cybersalt award, Pastor Tim . . . . . . Visit Pastor Tim's great CleanLaugh site!
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The Cost of a Child
The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and came up $160,140! That doesn't even touch college tuition.For those with kids, that figure leads to wild fantasies about all the money we could have banked if not for (insert your child's name here). For others, that number might confirm the decision to remain childless.
But $160,140 isn't so bad if you break it down. It t ranslates into $8,896.66 a year, $741.38 a month, or $171.08 a week. That's a mere $24.44 a day! Just over a dollar an hour.
Still, you might think the best financial advice says don't have children if you want to be "rich." It is just the opposite.
What do your get for your $160,140?
- Naming rights. First, middle, and last!
- Glimpses of God every day.
- Giggles under the covers every night.
- More love than your heart can hold.
- Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.
- Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies.
- A hand to hold, usually covered with jam.
- A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites, building sandcastles, and skipping down the sidewalk in the pouring rain.
- Someone to laugh yourself silly with no matter what the boss said or how your stocks performed that day.
For $160,140, you never have to grow up.
- You get to finger-paint, carve pumpkins, play hide-and-seek, catch lightning bugs, and never stop believing in Santa Claus.
- You have an excuse to keep: reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh, watching Saturday morning cartoons, going to Disney movies, and wishing on stars.
- You get to frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets and collect spray-painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand prints set in clay for Mother's Day, and cards with backward letters for Father's Day.
For $160,140, there is no greater bang for your buck.
- You get to be a hero just for retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof, taking the training wheels off the bike, removing a splinter, filling the wading pool, coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs, and coaching a baseball team that never wins but always gets treated to ice cream regardless.
- You get a front r ow seat to history to witness the first step, first word, first bra, first date, and first time behind the wheel.
- You get another branch added to your family tree, and if you're lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary called grandchildren.
- You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, and human sexuality that no college can match. - In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there with God.
- You have all the power to heal a boo-boo, scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and love them without limits, so one day they will, like you, love without counting the cost.
- You also have the wonderful benefit of eating [low calorie] egg salad sandwiches for 2 weeks straight... after Easter Sunday each year.
COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS!! ENJOY YOUR KIDS AND GRANDKIDS!
--Author unknown; found circulating the Web via email.
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All Scriptures are taken from the King James Version of the Holy Bible.
Humor and inspiration in Tickles 'n Truth are extracted from items that circulate around the Web. Many authors are unknown; I do not claim copyright privileges on the articles used. Should you know the author of a certain piece, please notify me that I may give proper credit.
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