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A Fun, Faith 'n Funny Bone Feature we will rejoice and be glad... (Psalm 118:24)."
Have you got a funny bone or two? Can fun connect with faith? You'd better believe it...."Funny Bone Faith" sees humor--AND faith--in the tough times and with God's help, smiles through tears as it triumphs in a Lord who brings joy and laughter to our lives--daily! Enjoy the fun and inspiration--and strengthen YOUR "Funny Bone Faith" right here--today!Please note: Humor pieces are meant to be funny - no offense is meant with regard to age, sex, race, religion, occupation or any other topic. It is simply a way of laughing at ourselves; please do not take the humor personal or offensive.
. . . Visit Pastor Tim's great CleanLaugh site!
"A merry heart doeth good like a medicine... (Proverbs 17:22)."
I Think Santa Claus Is a Woman! I think Santa Claus is a woman....I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she.
Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!
For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. It's as if they are all frozen in some kind of Ebenezerian Time Warp until 3 p.m. on Dec. 24th, when they--with amazing calm--call other errant men and plan for a last-minute shopping spree.
Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. (You might think this would send them into a fit of panic and guilt, but my husband tells me it's an enormous relief because it lessens the 11th hour decision-making burden.) On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman.
Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.
Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted, and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh, amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.
Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.
Add to this the fact that there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney, where the Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repoint bricks in the flue. He would also need to check for carbon monoxide fumes in every gas fireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked to straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle.
Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:
~ Men can't pack a bag.
~ Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
~ Men would feel their masculinity is threatened, having to be seen with all those elves.
~ Men don't answer their mail.
~ Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
~ Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
~ Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.
I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men. Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite guy. Cupid flies around carrying weapons. Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers. Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test. But not St. Nick. Not a chance.
--Selected from Mikey's Funnies.
Lord, I Need a Break! Have you found yourself praying a prayer of desperation? Does the night seem to be closing in on you, and God seems to be off somewhere fast asleep? Well take a little heart in fact that you're not alone. In fact, one of the bravest men in the Bible knew exactly how you are feeling. He cried the same prayer you might be praying, "Lord, I need a break".David, the might giant killer, hit the pits when his best friend informed him that Saul, king of Israel, was set on killing him. Now, I've experienced the ìpitsî but I have never had anyone out to kill me (I think 'n I hope!).
According to the account giving to us in 1 Samuel 21, David was afraid. Not just a little afraid but terrified! The irony of it! David, the fearless youth that fought the giant, was afraid of Saul, who was afraid to fight the giant!
When we get to 1 Samuel 22:1, David is hiding in cave and was in the "bluest" moods. David was sucking the soup of self-pity and singing the song of ìPoor Me.î How do I know that? Read Psalm 142 and Psalm 57. They are the words of a man desperate, lonely and fearful. At least they start out that way but before the end of Psalm 57, we see David's faith restored.
What caused his faith to be restored? Several things happened, his family appeared, men joined him -- But! The one thing that really got David out of pits and back on track was that he took his eyes off his problems and focused one the One that was really in control. The Lord is the "Great Problem Solver. When we stop drinking the "Soup of Self-Pity" and start looking to the one that gives us strength, answers our doubts, direction our paths and love us -- then things take on the right prospective and problems get solved!
Are you there today? Well here is pad on the back. Now climb out of the bathtub of poor me and focus on the Lord Jesus. Meditate on the verses below and know that you too can turn problems into praise.
Be merciful unto me, O God, be merciful unto me: for my soul trusteth in thee: yea, in the shadow of thy wings will I make my refuge, until these calamities be overpast. I will cry unto God most high; unto God that formeth all things for me. He shall send from heaven, and save me from the reproach of him that would swallow me up. Selah. God shall send forth his mercy and his truth. My soul is among lions: and I lie even among them that are set on fire, even the sons of men, whose teeth are spears and arrows, and their tongue a sharp sword. Be thou exalted, O God, above the heavens; let thy glory be above all the earth. They have prepared a net for my steps; my soul is bowed down: they have digged a pit before me, into the midst whereof they are fallen themselves. Selah. My heart is fixed, O God, my heart is fixed: I will sing and give praise. Awake up, my glory; awake, psaltery and harp: I myself will awake early. I will praise thee, O Lord, among the people: I will sing unto thee among the nations. For thy mercy is great unto the heavens, and thy truth unto the clouds. Be thou exalted, O God, above the heavens: let thy glory be above all the earth.
To God Be The Glory!
--by Pastor Jim. Selected from Net153 Weekly from Net153.com.
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All Scriptures are taken from the King James Version of the Holy Bible.
Humor and inspiration in Tickles 'n Truth are extracted from items that circulate around the Web. Many authors are unknown; I do not claim copyright privileges on the articles used. Should you know the author of a certain piece, please notify me that I may give proper credit.
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